By Michelle Pini: Independent Australia.

ScoMo joins Laura Tangle on ABC $7.10 and reveals all disaster management and what it really means to be “real”. Really.

TANGLE: Reports also indicate that your $1,000 one-off payments plus the additional $1,000 payments are only available in Liberal seats.

 

MORRESPIN: Well, that’s just nonsense, Laura! I’m offended by that! They are also available in marginal seats!

Listen on YouTube HERE:

TRANSCRIPT

LAURA TANGLE: Good evening, I’m Laura Tangle and welcome to $7.10. Tonight we are joined by Prime Minister Scott Morrespin. Welcome Prime Minister.

PRIME MINISTER SCOTT MORRESPIN: Thanks Laura, wasn’t this show called $7.15 last time?

TANGLE: It was, but we’ve had a few more (clears throat) cuts around here.

MORRESPIN: I see. Thanks, Laura, glad to be with you, as myself, with all my excessive weight, daggy glasses and mouldy old ill-fitting suits.

TANGLE: But who else would you be, Prime Minister?

MORRESPIN: Well now, I’m just saying that sure, people can pretend to be fitter and hotter by doing stuff, like … exercising and losing weight, but they’re still fatties on the inside, if you get my meaning, Laura? Not looking at anyone, Albo!

TANGLE: I see.

Did you not have your photo taken wearing moleskins and an Akubra looking out over farmland? And shearing sheep?

MORRESPIN: Well, yes, but they’re just things I always do.

TANGLE: And hammering nails? And driving a truck? And emerging from submarines?

MORRESPIN: That’s me. That’s how you know you’ve got the real deal. Not pretending to be anyone else. Like John Howard, or Bob Hawke, or even the very dashing Robert Menzies. None of this fake losing weight or new glasses nonsense, Laura! Just good old fashioned, upfront, fair dinkum, manufactured, high resolution and carefully airbrushed photo opportunities.

TANGLE: Indeed. (Raises one eyebrow.)

Now, Prime Minister Morrespin, I would like to turn to the floods, if I may.

MORRESPIN: Of course. These are very floody times, Laura.

TANGLE: Quite. Can you understand why many people feel abandoned, Prime Minister?

MORRESPIN: Well of course! Of course I do, Laura. I mean, it’s like my good friend, who also happens to be the National Recovery and Resilience Agency Co-ordinator-General Shane Stone said, “you’ve got people who want to live among the gum trees … and then their houses fall in the river”. I mean, of course they feel abandoned, they’re in the river, for God’s sake!

TANGLE: Yes, but do you accept that your Government could have done more?

MORRESPIN: Well, no, not at all. We’ve done everything now that we did with the bushfires, and with the pandemic. Why should the floods be any different? I mean, that’s hardly the Government’s fault! I don’t hold a hose, Laura and nor do I hold a suction pump … or a needle or really anything of any practical use whatsoever. I couldn’t be any clearer than that.

TANGLE: Then, what have you done to help, Prime Minister?

MORRESPIN: I’m glad you asked that, Laura. Because we’ve sent in the defence force! We’ve given people more money! Despite them building their houses in with all the gum trees in flood zones! I’ve even picked up rubbish myself! With my own hands! Well, with special implements, but I, the real Scott Morrespin, not trying to be anyone else, Laura!

TANGLE: But didn’t the defence force go in and take photos for the first week?

MORRESPIN: Well, of course! Because they’re, they’re the defence force — they’re not pretending to be the SES, Laura! They can’t just go in there and start helping people, by saving people, willy nilly, from drowning, or assisting with clean-up efforts.

TANGLE: I see. And didn’t your Government allow people to build in those areas?

MORRESPIN: That was the State Government and the local councils. Details are important, Laura.

TANGLE: Reports also indicate that your $1,000 one-off payments plus the additional $1,000 payments are only available in Liberal seats.

MORRESPIN: Well, that’s just nonsense, Laura! I’m offended by that! They are also available in marginal seats!

TANGLE: What about the people who have been flood-affected in Labor Seats?

MORRESPIN: Honestly Laura, do I have to spell it out? The funds are on a needs basis. And the MPs in Liberal and marginal seats, clearly, are in much greater need of funds. How else will they be re-elected?

TANGLE: Quite. Prime Minister Morrespin, thank you for your time.

MORRESPIN: As always, a pleasure, Laura.

Listen on YouTube HERE:

This podcast was originally published as part of the Independent Australia weekly newsletter, which is usually only available to subscribers in the IA members-only area.

Written and performed by Michelle Pini and Dave Donovan. Produced by Dan Jensen. Theme music by Rocky Dabscheck.

You can follow IA founder and director Dave Donovan @davrosz, managing editor Michelle Pini on Twitter @vmp9 and digital editor Dan Jensen @danjensenmovies. Follow Independent Australia on Twitter @independentaus and on Facebook HERE.