Picture this: an American-style Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE)—the Elon Musk-Trump brainchild launched in January 2025—lands in Australia. In the U.S., it’s a temporary advisory crew with a wild mission: slash $2 trillion from federal spending, gut regulations, and shrink the bureaucracy by July 4, 2026. Australia, with its 27 million people (not 330 million), parliamentary system, and less bloated public service, needs a remix. Here’s how to make it work—practical, not pie-in-the-sky.

Step one: lock in the framework. No U.S.-style executive orders here—the Prime Minister (Albanese or Dutton, depending on 2025’s vote) has to own it. Spin up a “Government Efficiency Taskforce” (GET—ditch the DOGE meme) under the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet. Pair a big name—think Andrew Forrest or Malcolm Turnbull—with a seasoned bureaucrat to lead. Day one’s job: cut waste, simplify rules, and trim the 260,000-strong public service, eyeing Australia’s $500 billion budget. Push a white paper through Parliament in 60 days to head off legal headaches—unlike the U.S., where DOGE’s already tangled in transparency suits.

Step two: size up the mess. Run a 90-day audit of federal spending and staffing. With 14 major departments and a sprawl of agencies, zero in on giants like Services Australia (36,000 staff) and Defence (20,000 civilian). Let the Australian National Audit Office (ANAO) hunt waste—think overlapping programs or the $6 billion consultancy tab Labor’s been slamming. Check state-federal double-ups in health or education too. X posts—like a Feb 17 gripe about “Canberra’s bloated payroll”—hint at public suport, but data’s the clincher. Target easy wins: stale grants, dusty IT, or the 36,000 new hires Dutton’s got in his sights.

Step three: chop red tape quick. Axe a high-profile rule in 100 days—say, the Green Wall’s planning snags builders curse, or slim down the 1,200-page tax code choking small firms. Australia’s regulatory burden isn’t U.S.-level chaos, but the Productivity Commission pegs it at $100 billion a year. Test Trump’s “one-in, two-out” rule in a sandbox like the Department of Industry—Parliament’s too prickly for a full rollout. After the Illawarra wind farm flop, add a public portal to flag dumb rules. Visible wins buy trust.

Step four: thin the ranks. Pitch a hiring freeze and attrition plan—U.S. DOGE aims for one hire per four exits; Australia could start at one-for-two. Hit non-frontline roles first—Canberra paper-pushers, not NDIS or border staff. The Australian Public Service Commission notes 4,000 new hires went to Services Australia since 2022—leave those; Centrelink delays spark riots. Instead, trim the 3,000 extra tax office bodies or Defence’s admin fat. Soften it with voluntary redundancies—20% of the APS is over 50, so 10-15% could exit naturally in a year. Pilot it in Finance, then tweak.

Step five: fix the tech. MyGov’s a $200 million clunker—X users dubbed it “digital torture” (Feb 18). Take a DOGE cue: upgrade IT to save cash long haul. Launch a lean “Digital Efficiency Crew” under the Digital Transformation Agency—no U.S.-style bloat. Kill off 1990s legacy systems and push shared cloud setups. Aim for a six-month pilot—link Services Australia and ATO data to cut duplication.

This could kickstart things without breaking Australia. The U.S. DOGE thrives on Musk’s swagger and Trump’s clout—here, it’s less hammer, more scalpel, dodging Senate crossbenchers and Medicare fanatics. Some’ll cheer cuts to smug projects like wind farms; others’ll scream if frontline services bleed.